Difficulty: Hard

Average Score: 0%

In the United States many people do not have enough fiber in their diets. This is unfortunate because fiber is important for cardiovascular and digestive health. According to Lemmon and Oates (2005) fiber can 'reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke by 3 times.' Given this fact it is imperative that our government take action. Before it is too late we must make fiber a higher priority ingredient in school lunches.

When revising the sentence, which of the following issues should be targeted?

Rationale

Awkward sentence structure

The sentence includes multiple clauses and lengthy phrases that can make it difficult for readers to follow the main idea. Revising the sentence for clarity and conciseness will enhance its effectiveness and overall readability.

A (Passive voice) YOUR ANSWER

While passive voice can sometimes obscure the subject of a sentence, the primary issue with the provided extract lies in its sentence structure rather than passivity. The sentences are not overly passive; they instead contain complex constructions that may confuse readers, necessitating a more straightforward approach.

B (Awkward sentence structure) CORRECT

The extract features lengthy and convoluted phrases that can detract from the message’s clarity. For instance, the phrase "it is imperative that our government take action" could be simplified for better impact. By focusing on restructuring these sentences, the overall flow and comprehension will improve, making the argument more persuasive.

C (Repetitive wording) YOUR ANSWER

Although some concepts are reiterated, such as the importance of fiber, the repetition serves to reinforce the central argument rather than detract from it. The extract does not suffer from redundancy but rather from an intricate structure that complicates the delivery of the message.

The extract does not utilize clichés that would undermine its originality or persuasive power. Instead, it presents factual statements about fiber and its benefits, which are critical to the argument being made. Thus, targeting clichés is not a relevant issue in this context.

Conclusion

The most significant issue in the extract is its awkward sentence structure, which hampers clarity and reader engagement. By revising for conciseness and coherence, the key messages regarding the importance of fiber can be communicated more effectively, ultimately leading to a stronger argument for prioritizing fiber in school lunches.

When revising the sentence, which of the following issues should be targeted?

Awkward sentence structure

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